Being Loud

This is the time of year people head to the beach. You go with your family, your friends or maybe just a close buddy. Things happen when you are away from from your home and normal schedule. You can expect some heated words or even a minor skirmish between friends and family. Depending on how tight the beach accommodations depends on how everyone gets along. If you are sharing a room you probably need to establish ground rules about visitors and being loud. A Myrtle Beach man was charged with assaulting his roommate. The victim was visiting another apartment. When he returned his roommate was having loud sex with a woman. He yelled for them to be quiet. His roommate jumped up and stabbed him in the hand. Now the paper didn't tell me if they live at the beach or were there on vacation. But I would set some ground rules. If you know your roommate will have loud sex get ear plugs or better yet, leave the apartment. If you like loud sex get a room for a couple hours. I know this is a hard one to deal with. In my Emily Post's Etiquette Book there was nothing listed for loud sex.

Sex Video

There is a lady in this area very upset at an old boyfriend. Seems he videotaped them having sex and downloaded the tape on YouTube. She called the police and I guess the relationship is history. Now in the dating world not only do you have to worry about STD's, creeps, and actually getting a date,
you get to worry if you are on YouTube getting it on. Thank goodness I am married. If the husband wanted to videotape us we would have to buy a video camera. Then we would have to learn to use the thing. Plus neither one of us has a clue how to download the video to YouTube. And after we did all that stuff we would be too tired to perform. But all in the dating world beware! Check for hidden cameras before getting too cozy.

Three Dogs

I love my dogs,all three of them. They keep me busy and more active than I want. They are big. That makes everything more work. Bigger leashes, bigger bowls, bigger poops, and bigger barks. So today I have decided that after my three dogs are gone I want a little, lazy dog.

NAPW

I received an e-mail yesterday notifying me that I qualify for membership in the National Association of Professional Women. This association honors the country's most accomplished professional women. I have five days to sign up with no fees. Then I will be in a network of thousands of professional women. Now I haven't nursed in about 4 years. I work a few hours a month in a yarn shop. And last I blog ( not much lately) on Cullie Chats. So I am in a quandary figuring out what exactly my profession is. A professional could even be a hooker for all I know. I have a feeling this is just a mass e-mail sent to suckers like me. From all I am reading about facebook selling everyone's privacy out, they probably got my info there. Then they read this blog and said this woman is a professional. I am not pushing the join button. I know I am a professional in all I do. I don't need an association to prove it.

Friday

Today is Friday. I think most of you know that. My biggest plans for the day is going to the dog park. The dog park is the best way for three dogs to have B.M.s at the same time. Kinda of like going to the super Wal-Mart and getting all your shopping done at once. The husband is working in his cave/ home office today. That eliminates having any men friends over. Not that there are any to come but I am just throwing that out there. I did gain weight over the beach trip so I am only wearing my stretchy clothes. I think it is all fluid because of the heat and not all the food and wine I consumed. I might do laundry today but probably not, even though I can only wear my stretchy clothes. Depending on what type of husband emerges from the cave determines what I will do tonight. Tomorrow I work at the yarn shop. And tomorrow is Saturday.

Where Did She Go

Forget ever being a blogger of note or even a blogger. I am dragging my ass lately on this blog. I can blame it on nothing more exciting than Al and Tipper Gore breaking up. They prove money doesn't buy happiness. I don't want to discuss the oil spill. That is like an alcoholic family member - don't talk about it and it doesn't exist. Besides everyday I crank my car and use the oil spewing who knows where. I could blame all my diseases but that is so last year. How about plain ole laziness? That is as good as excuse as any. I did spend a week at the beach without a computer. Which reminds me. I read an article in the Myrtle Beach paper about this recurrent domestic call. Seems a wife kept throwing the phone in the toilet. Mainly because women kept calling her husband. The husband reassured the police he was moving out so there would be no further problems. There were hints the wife might not be right. Obviously the husband is a few short. Don't give your home phone number to your girlfriends. you ijidit! So I promise to blog everyday even if I say the same thing every day. You know like Sarah Palin's speeches. Same speech no matter where she is. Roger and out!

How to Diaper a Dog

Diapering a dog is not as easy as it sounds. First at the pet store you have to figure out what size by weight. Second you have to decide do you want totally disposable ones or a washable panty in denim with disposable liners. Third you have to get over the fact that the disposable ones cost $20.00 for 12 and that the denim panty is $30.00. The fun begins when you put on the disposable diaper on the actual dog. Chip has a long furry tail like a plume rising above his back. Handsome for him, a bitch to get through the tail hole in a dog diaper. He does stand still while I tug and pull the diaper over his tail. Now I have to tape the two ends over his bony hips. The first attempt goes well but leaves his peepee out. Since that is the root of the problem a re-taping is required. The peepee is covered and he can walk. When it is time to take him outside I remove his diaper and it is dry. So is his bed where he slept. I put it back on after our trip outside. This time he and I both are pros. He sleeps until time for me to go to bed. I wake him up and he slowly staggers up leaving a trail of urine behind him. The diaper has shifted and the peepee is out!. I remove the diaper and take him outside. We come back in and I put on a clean diaper. ( We have already lost over a dollar on the first diaper. ) Upstairs we go to hopefully have a dry and peaceful night. This morning Chip wakes me up barking to eat and diaper less. His diaper is lying on the floor still intact. How he got out I don't know. The diaper is dry as is the floor and Chip. Right now he has no diaper on and I am pondering this problem for a solution.

The best way to sum this up is like when a bad guy asks Raylan on Justified about another bad guy his response is always the same. "And how did that go?"