New Vow

Mornings are not my time. I crawl out of bed tight,swollen and painful. The more I move around the more nauseated I get. So needless to say it takes me awhile to get out of the house. Yesterday I did lots around the house and then left to run errands. To conserve energy and get more done I went without make-up and just my tie-dyed dress. While in Wal-Mart I ran to the bathroom to relieve myself of a large unsweetened tea with lemon. On my way to the stall I saw this incredibly frightening woman in the bathroom mirror. Hair sticking up everywhere, pale face with red splotches, and just a tie-dyed dress. I recognized the dress first. It looked just like the one I had on because the horror in the mirror was me! Then I really panicked. I was in Wal-Mart looking like this. Someone may have already taken my picture and posted in on the internet in those Wal-Mart people posts. Furtively I looked around to see if anyone was taking my picture. Th coast was clear. I raised my fist to the sky, well actually to the Wal-Mart bathroom ceiling, and said "As God is my witness I will never go out in public looking like this again". I guess we will see how that goes.

Working at Home

With my diseases piling up and no hope of going back to nursing I think of jobs I might do at home. You know those jobs on the infomercials where "You can make $10,000 a month from the comfort of your home". So far nothing appeared doable until this weekend when I read an article about a woman in S.C. Seems she started a very lucrative home business. She put up a stripper pole in her mobile home, charged admission, served beer, and danced. Now that's thinking! Studies have shown that dancing on a stripper pole is a great cardio workout. This is a no brainer - a cardio program for my health, working out of my home, no taxes, and hopefully some good tips. I know there is some overhead. Putting up the pole. I wouldn't want to skimp on that. Right in the middle of my dance the pole and ceiling could collapse. Getting the perfect costumes to flatter my "aging gracefully" figure. Having the right person to check id's and serve beer. The lady in S.C. had a 12 year old boy as one of her client's when the police busted her. Which brings me to my last expense - bribe money for the police. Law and Order always talks about police hush money during raids at massage parlors.

Bustin Out

Yesterday was a weird day. I thought I worked 3 to 8 until I checked the calender. I saw I worked 10 to 4. I checked the calender at 9 so basically I grabbed my purse and went to work. I had on my comfy oldest jeans. They were a little snug at first but hey it was day one. Work was moving along when one of the popular girls stopped by. I was on the floor working on pattern books and got up to greet her. Without thinking I gave her a full view of the rear. She kindly said "You have some holes in your pants." To which I responded "Yeah in the front." "No", she said,"In the back." I put my hand on my rear and she was right. The whole inner seam was holding on by threads and one pocket was ripped down the side. I remember thinking how loose my jeans felt when I first got to work. They were loose from making big holes. I guess you call this " bustin out". What I am most grateful for was having a friend to watch my back. Some nice mealy mouth person might not have told me to spare my feelings. But my popular girl friend even told me the color of my underwear. The only thing that saved my butt was my shirt was long.

Cullie

My first name is Cullie but I go by my middle name Diane. I was named after my grandmother. I would have preferred to have been called by my first name no matter what it was. The first day of school was always a nightmare. There are not many Cullie's around and most are men. On one of my favorite English shows "Midsomer Murders" the daughter's name is Cully. I googled Cullie yesterday. This is what I found - An Old English word used in the 1700's to refer to a prostitute.

Gardening

Spring is here and I think of digging in the dirt. Gardening is great therapy for me. Our first house in Milwaukee had a beautiful landscaped yard. The previous and only owner took me under her wing and I slowly learned about annuals,perennials,soil and seasons. Off to Chicago where we worked hard on our yard and got a neighbor award. In Boston I belonged to a wonderful garden club where I learned to appreciate greens as well as flowers. Our land in Rockford had a beautiful perennial garden. Greensboro was where I was able to landscape my yard with the flowers I loved. I had lots of blue perennials that I mixed with annuals.My garden club was more social than working but I learned all kinds of things and never missed the garden tours. Now in Charlotte things have been not so good.I came with the desire to continue gardening. My attempts for annuals in the front yard were unsuccessful. What the deer didn't eat my lovely and friendly neighbors would let their dogs pee,poop and dig up. In the backyard I concentrated on vegetables and herbs. I worked hard on one area near the deck to plant asparagus. Asparagus is such a beautiful plant. The first son concocted a potion to kill the asparagus so he wouldn't have to eat any. The potion was so successful nothing has grown there since. Now I just grow herbs in boxes on the deck and flowers in my planters on the front porch. When I move I plan to have gardens all over the place. Saturday I read about a lady in Colorado who has run afoul of her neighbors while she gardens. It seems she likes to garden in a thong. Last year she wore pasties with the thong. I can see where pasties might be uncomfortable while digging in the dirt. The woman is 52. I only saw her head shot but even a woman of 52 in great shape is not attractive in a thong, especially bent over. Her husband is quite indignant about the complaints. He likes to hang out with his wife gardening in his thong too. Maybe instead of me worrying about having the proper soil for flower beds I just need to get out in my yard in a thong. A green one would be nice to start with don't you think ? And to my backyard neighbor who has never spoke to me, I will only allow her to see the backside of my thong.

Errands

The eye procedure wasn't bad but I would not recommend it unless it is a medical necessity. It took me a week to feel better. I was just wiped. The husband has a wicked cold. He hacked, coughed and wheezed all Friday night. Yesterday I said stay home and I will do your errands. He gave me a long list and I went to Wal-Mart and the cleaners. I took the dogs so he wouldn't yell for the second son to take them out. I returned to find he went to the grocery store while I was gone. When I confronted him he made some smart remark about it killing me to do his errands. The reason I did his errands was so he would stay home and not contaminate the world with his crud. Whatever. Some day I am going to kill his ass.

Another Procedure

I seem to spend all my time getting medical procedures. I don't think I asked for this. I just seem to keep needing them. Today I go to have my tear ducts cauterized. I don't like messing with my eyes or having anyone else mess with them. In fact I don't like messing with other people's eyes. When I used to work in pre-op getting the cataract surgeries ready I kept my eyes closed as much as possible. Dealing with eyes just makes my innards scream. So needless to say I am a wreck. Big time wreck. The husband is taking me. I tried to drown my fears in wine last night but the husband and second son gave me the riot act. I went to bed early and read knitting magazines and Hercule Poirot. That is a good distraction. The doctor told me after he inserted the plugs to be sure and get someone to bring me for the cauterization. That my eyes would swell and be painful after the numbing wore off. I have never had a doctor say the word pain. Their favorite line is " It will be a little uncomfortable". So I am not looking forward to the numbing medicine to wear off. In fact I am not looking forward to anything about today.