How to Diaper a Dog

Diapering a dog is not as easy as it sounds. First at the pet store you have to figure out what size by weight. Second you have to decide do you want totally disposable ones or a washable panty in denim with disposable liners. Third you have to get over the fact that the disposable ones cost $20.00 for 12 and that the denim panty is $30.00. The fun begins when you put on the disposable diaper on the actual dog. Chip has a long furry tail like a plume rising above his back. Handsome for him, a bitch to get through the tail hole in a dog diaper. He does stand still while I tug and pull the diaper over his tail. Now I have to tape the two ends over his bony hips. The first attempt goes well but leaves his peepee out. Since that is the root of the problem a re-taping is required. The peepee is covered and he can walk. When it is time to take him outside I remove his diaper and it is dry. So is his bed where he slept. I put it back on after our trip outside. This time he and I both are pros. He sleeps until time for me to go to bed. I wake him up and he slowly staggers up leaving a trail of urine behind him. The diaper has shifted and the peepee is out!. I remove the diaper and take him outside. We come back in and I put on a clean diaper. ( We have already lost over a dollar on the first diaper. ) Upstairs we go to hopefully have a dry and peaceful night. This morning Chip wakes me up barking to eat and diaper less. His diaper is lying on the floor still intact. How he got out I don't know. The diaper is dry as is the floor and Chip. Right now he has no diaper on and I am pondering this problem for a solution.

The best way to sum this up is like when a bad guy asks Raylan on Justified about another bad guy his response is always the same. "And how did that go?"