Portion Size

I am at doctor's appointments way too much. Yesterday I was in Chapel Hill getting my cauterized tear ducts checked. While waiting for my eyes to dilate I was reading an article on portion control. The correct portion size for a bowl of cereal is the size of your fist. This morning I poured out my cereal. I put my fist over the portion to measure. The portion was the size of my butt not my fist. That might explain a few things about my clothes being so tight.

Me and my Cymbalta

I have been on 90 mgm of Cymbalta for several years without any hitches. About a month ago I got this genius idea to start getting it through our mail order pharmacy. Save the husband's company money, save us money , and all I have to do is walk to the mailbox to pick it up. That is if you remember to order it on time. Saturday I got out my medicine basket. Yes a basket but that is another blog post. My cymbalta bottle was sadly empty. Panic ensued and I left frantic messages to my doctor. Phone in my medication to Wal-Mart to tide me over. Because now I have to wait a week for my mail order to arrive. Sunday came with no phone calls from the doctor. I talk to the pharmacist at Wal -Mart. "How many days can I go without my Cymbalta?" "No days" is his prompt reply. "I am pretty edgy right now." "You will get edgier." Now I am pacing and shaking. Will I drop to the floor and scream and pull out my hair? No I will do laundry and watch the husband make egg plant parmigiana. Yesterday I woke up with a raging headache and itchy trigger finger. Thank goodness there were no guns in the house. By afternoon I was on a bench at the pharmacy in Wal-Mart. Patiently I waited while the pharmacist called my insurance company to explain that yes the idiot forgot to order her Cymbalta on time. Mail order takes 7 to 10 business days. She has gone without 3 doses. She is pacing around our bench. Her eyes are rolling in her eye sockets. Her neck keeps twitching. And no I don't think she is packing. The cashier presents me with my "tide me over" pills. I gulp down my dose right there at the counter. Of course I had paid for them first. Today all is right with my world. I am so glad we don't have guns in the house.

John Daly

I watched the British Open this weekend. At least there was somewhere that wasn't 1000 frigging degrees. John Daly was up front in the beginning. He made the cut and didn't have to find a Hooter's parking lot to sell autographs. But he is still the train wreck waiting to happen. Yes he has had his lap band surgery. Yes he only smokes a few cigarettes on the course. Yes he only guzzles diet coke between holes. Maybe an occasional beer. But he still has a women traveling with him tournament to tournament. I don't keep up if it is the same one each time. Or if he married her. Or if she bore his children. Listing all his kids, wives and others would use up all my blog space. But I remember John Daly arriving on the golf scene knocking the hell out of the ball. You just knew he was going somewhere. Somewhere he has. Wearing the most outrageous and hideous clothes on the tour for money. Even the skinny bitches at my country club who wear those pants can't make them look good. So I feel John is just simmering right now and gonna blow up again any day. His extra bright clothes will make a nice explosion. I hope all the young golfers with great promise I watched play this weekend heed my warning. Following in John Daly's footsteps will have you prancing around like a Mardi Gras float on the golf course. Even Tiger is still wearing black and red.

Long Marriage

In November I will be married for 28 years. Basically I have been married half my life. Don't have any secrets to share about why I am still married. Marriage is definitely the hardest job I have had. I am beginning to think travel conquers all. The husband came home last night about 8:30. I haven't seen him in five days. First of all I thought he wasn't due in until tonight. So had the excitement of who is the man coming into my bedroom? Then the excitement of seeing him and then watching him unpack and go to bed. Now he is in his man cave working. I spoke to him briefly. He has given me so many instructions on when I can speak to him and not that briefly is best. Now I am leaving for the yarn store to work my five hours. So today my take on a long marriage is lots of travel separately. Remember absence makes the heart fonder.

Chip is Gone

After suffering for over 15 months with myasthenia gravis Chip went to Dog Heaven. I know he went to heaven because he loved us so much. Heaven is for those who love others. So as they say all dogs go to heaven.I really miss him. I know Shelley does. Zeus not at all. Chip's last few weeks were not good but we told him everyday we loved him. The vet sent us a special book called Dog Heaven. It says that when the dogs are tired in heaven they jump to a cloud, circle round and round until the cloud is just right and go to sleep. That will be Chip. But he will be lying on his back asleep on his cloud with his legs in the air.

Wash Your Money

You are told to wash your hands for so many reasons - after going to the bathroom, before eating, and just about for anything. Now you need to wash your hands after handling any money. Better yet, wash your money. I say this because of an incident that occurred Monday at Carowinds. Carowinds is an amusement park in York,S.C. An employee stole $813.00. The security personnel recovered it from her underwear. So I am just saying wash your hands and your money. You never know where it has been.

Noodles

I am watering my plants on the front porch when the children from next door walk over. They are all still in their pajamas with their hair sticking out everywhere. They ask me if they can borrow some noodles. I say, "Sure, what kind ?" The oldest boy says "Any kind". "Ya'll come in the house and you can pick out the kind you want." I drag the dogs into their crates and proceed to the pantry. "Why do ya'll want noodles?" "We are going to the beach." "What beach?" "Fripp Island." "Oh nice, I have always wanted to go to Fripp." By now we are at the pantry and I pull out some egg noodles. " How about these?" Three pairs of children eyes look blankly from me to the egg noodles. Finally the oldest says, "Noodles for the beach." A light bulb finally lights in my head. "Oh noodles for the beach. I don't have any noodles but I have boogie boards and skimmer boards." All three children beam. We go back out to the garage and gather boogie boards, skimmers boards and a flying disc. I think they will be lots happier at Fripp with that instead of a bag of egg noodles.

Being Loud

This is the time of year people head to the beach. You go with your family, your friends or maybe just a close buddy. Things happen when you are away from from your home and normal schedule. You can expect some heated words or even a minor skirmish between friends and family. Depending on how tight the beach accommodations depends on how everyone gets along. If you are sharing a room you probably need to establish ground rules about visitors and being loud. A Myrtle Beach man was charged with assaulting his roommate. The victim was visiting another apartment. When he returned his roommate was having loud sex with a woman. He yelled for them to be quiet. His roommate jumped up and stabbed him in the hand. Now the paper didn't tell me if they live at the beach or were there on vacation. But I would set some ground rules. If you know your roommate will have loud sex get ear plugs or better yet, leave the apartment. If you like loud sex get a room for a couple hours. I know this is a hard one to deal with. In my Emily Post's Etiquette Book there was nothing listed for loud sex.