Memories I forgot

My daughter and I went into a boutique in Park Slope called Red Lipstick. I wanted to go because I have never been in a store called Red Lipstick. I bought some awesome tattooed sleeves there. A great fashion accessory when the event calls for tattoos. The owner is a knitwear designer who has a knitting book coming out. She is on Raverly selling patterns. She said I had to go to School House Products. I did go to School House Products and met the designer for one of my favorite knitting books Runway Knits. I have made a coat for my daughter out of the book. The lady owns Karabella yarns. As I tell all my customers at Baskets Of Yarn, I have never met a Karabella yarn I didn't like. On Monday wandering Chelsea hoping to find an art gallery open I approached a women with two springer spaniels. Both were black and so much like Chip. I could see how the myasthensia gravis has ravaged Chip. Her dogs were 14 and 9, both so beautiful. She said the galleries were closed either because of Monday or August. They close in August and prepare for fall. She told me that I was a block from High Line Park and that was a must see. She was right. What a blessing I stopped to talk with her. As all good mothers do I felt I had to find the right places for my daughter to go in Park Slope. As I mentioned earlier the French Moroccan place was a must for her. They speak French and my waiter was incredibly handsome. When he flashed his smile I almost spoke French. I found Beacon's Closet for her, a vintage store with clothes from every era. An awesome pizza place with thin crust baked in a brick oven. An Italian restaurant with to die for food. The dessert made my junk in the trunk go ballistic. But she still needed a neighborhood bar to hang. After all that is where her Dad picked up me, a neighborhood bar. With much research we went to the Black Sheep Pub. They have a neon lit sign advertising Brooklyn Lager which they don't sell but that was a minor issue. Starting in September they have pop quiz night every other Wednesday. I love trivia and if all the questions come from People I could be such a winner. Unfortunately blackberries,cellphones and lifelines are not allowed. You pay $5.00 cover and the winning group gets 80% of the cover profits that night. What a bar. But the frosting on the cake was the bartender there that night. He is from Paris. He is going to a college majoring in sculpture. He showed me a picture of a sculpture he did in his parent's garden in the French countryside. He works the pop quiz nights. What a mom I am. I found two french speaking cutie men within walking distances of my daughter's brownstone. And one is from Paris!!!!!!! His family may own a vineyard and I will spend my elder years living in the little cottage on the vineyard sipping French wine and knitting.

NYC

I had a wonderful time in NYC with my daughter. I am so proud of her. She has lived a year on her own there without any help from her parents. She is an independent woman who can take care of herself. What a great feeling to have.
I have so many special memories of Manhattan and Brooklyn. The elderly English couple waiting for the Air Train at JFK. He sharply dressed in his navy blue and yellow pinstriped jacket with a yellow silk handkerchief in his lapel. She in her dowdy green floral print dress, sensible shoes , and a cardigan tied around her neck. Sweat pouring down their faces while they argue over which train to take. She says, "Bugger off" and he does.Asking two young men how to get to Berkley Place in Park Slope who shrug and answer in broken English. Instead the man ahead of them points straight ahead. The man and woman at the French Moroccan restaurant who are from Morocco and speak French. They promise to speak only French to my daughter when she eats there. The lady at the Pink Olive who asks if I know where Greenville, SC is because her friend has a shop there. The man at Parons in the garmet district who helps my daughter choose the material for her pajamas. He is from Greensboro. I have his card now. He will send swatches of fabrics and help me shop from home.While at M & J's Buttons the lady from Long Island who let me help her pick out buttons for her beautiful jacket she knitted. The man in Williamsburg skateboarding with his laundry bag on his board and laundry detergent on his back. The couple at lunch in Williamsburg who ask where I purchased my tie dyed dress. The blank stares when I reply, " The White Squirrel Festival in Brevard ,NC". The rolly, poly twin babies with blue saucer eyes slumped in their double stroller named Kate and Oliver shopping with Dad at the Barnes and Noble in Park Slope. The pretty little girl behind me on the escalator who asks her mom, "Is that lady's dress tie dyed?". The mom who exchanges a smile with me and answers , "Yes." The Dad running in the pouring rain to his apartment with his small daughter to get her brother so they both can play in the rain. The small daughter asking ,"Where did the rain go, Daddy?" when the rain stops as suddenly as it came. All the hipsters walking in Brooklyn with their cut off jeans and docksiders with no socks. The man in the vintage store on 5th in Park Slope with the tattooed neck and piercings who tells my daughter the adorable yellow bodice dress with a white skirt trimmed in tulle is sold. A young girl in the neighborhood comes every week to pay on it with money she earns. The waitress who tells us what scene her restaurant was in for the movie Julia and Julie. The most precious puppy in the world , Casey, whose owner (a cutie) says Casey has changed his life.The man at the shoe store who repaired my bag for $5.00 after I caught it in a revolving door. The beautiful Asian woman hugely pregnant shopping with her handsome African husband at the grocery store. The family on the Long Island train going to the beach. The father so attentive to his son and the mother so happy to be with her "men". Good memories to return home with.

The Equal Rites Award

Ellen Goodman described Mark Sanford as a new male escort along with Bristol Palin's ex - boyfriend. Ellen called him the year of Mark "Don't Cry for Me , Argentina" Sandford. This is in her national column regarding her Equal Rites Awards. Way to go Mark. Lets not forget to read Jenny Sandford's sob story in Vogue. If all the women whose husband's had affairs wrote a book or had stories in magazines, can you imagine how much paper would be used? There would be no trees on the earth left. Jenny, you are independently wealthy. Kick the scum to the curb and get a new life without airing the soiled sheets in Vogue.

Off To The City

I leave tomorrow to visit my daughter in NYC. I am so excited. I have never been to Brooklyn. I am anxious to see her new apartment. There are so many things to do in NYC but mainly I just want to spend time with my daughter. My husband will be in charge of the three dogs. Between feeding all three dogs in the morning and then feeding Chip two more times, it is like making meals for the kids. Just no cooking involved. They require numerous trips outside to the bathroom. The dog park is closed all week. Zeus spends his time wrestling with Shelley and trying to get in any available garbage can. He needs to run and herd. My husband will have six days alone with the three dogs. I figure he will be splitting rails and stringing wire for a fence by day two.

Flat Belly Diet

I just got my e-mails from Barnes and Nobles, Books - A - Million , and Borders announcing a new revolutionary cookbook. This life changing cookbook is called "The Flat Belly Diet Cookbook ". No there are not flat bellies on the cover. I believe the front cover has frosted cupcakes or some sort. I haven't seen the cookbook.I am not giving an opinion on the merits of owning such a book. Although displaying the cookbook in your kitchen with such a title could be an icebreaker at in home dinner parties. My discussion is what the hell is a flat belly after 40 and childbirth. You can scrunch and starve all you want. But that big roll of skin stays. Even those prune looking women who don't eat fat have the dreaded roll. I am not even talking about the rolls and wrinkles at your knees and elbows! Some of us more voluptuous women don't have the saggy elbows and knees. But everybody has the roll. So unless that cookbook gives names of good plastic surgeons for tummy tucks, I think this book is for pre-childbirth and youth. Maybe 13 years to 30 years. After that the book should be called "The Flat Belly Diet Cookbook After The Tummy Tuck So You Won't Have to Repeat the Tummy Tuck". I haven't fed myself and my very large tummy roll. Must run to make some frosted cupcakes.

Home Again

We returned from Tuscaloosa yesterday with an overnight detour to my girlfriend's in Easley, S.C. Tuscaloosa was hot and humid. We were glad we moved the last child in his dorm in the early morning. The room was on the third floor with no elevators and bunches of concrete steps. Thank goodness boys take electronics and food. That made fewer trips up and down the steps. I haven't seen the movie "The Curious Case Of Benjamin Buttons". I did read the short story. After several trips in the heat up those steps it would have been nice to be Benjamin Buttons.Those steps and the heat would have gone a little easier. The last son is settled in the dorm with his best bud, his best bud's 40 inch flat screen, a futon, a PS3, a WII, and my home made pillows and pillow cases. The other parents and boys were quite impressed with the decorating and lay out. The moms took pictures. I am sure all the oohs and aahs were over my sewing. We parents were not thrilled with the 40 inch flat screen. We feared there was no way to put it in the room. There was space. After we set it up, we walked out in the hall to see two boxes for 42 inch flat screens. Now all the last son has to do is go to class, study, and keep out of trouble. I have returned home to some very smelly, stinky dogs. I have put off baths all day but the odor just gets stronger. I think Shelley has some skunk in her family tree. Chip shares a crate with her so he smells skunky too. The dog park is closed all week for renovations. The heat is awful. I have told the dogs they are going to have to chill this week. I leave Thursday to see my daughter in NYC. When I return the dog park will be new and improved. And Shelley will smell like a skunk again.

The Costco Queen

Things are hopping here getting my son ready for his college life in Tuscaloosa. Yesterday we were stocking up in Costco.The weather was hot and oppressive. The bank thermometer read 95. Everyone shopping wore shorts and anything to keep cool. I being the fashion icon wore my elegant tie-dyed dress. You can have Costco pizza and a hot dog in that dress with room to grow. As we went aisle to aisle preparing my son for college life we passed a couple. What caught my eye was the woman. She was my height and my size pre-IBS. Her hair was perfectly coiffured with nothing out of place. I felt the frosting was a little too stark for her coloring but I am not her hair stylist. She had full makeup on that had not melted in the heat. I felt the her foundation was too heavy and not the right color but I am not her make-up artist. She wore camel colored dress pants and one of those tops with European scenes in a rayon blend fabric. She carried a black purse over her arms that matched her patent leather slides. Her harried looking husband pushed the buggy carrying a small boy. He and the boy were both in shorts and white polo shirts. She glided down each aisle until she would see what she needed. Then she would stop, point at the item and the harried husband would rush to grab the item and place it in their cart.We passed them down several aisles. The first aisle she looked up and down at my elegant tie-dyed dress. After she glided by I knew she was just itching to own such a dress. All of these aisle encounters occurred with me facing her. Finally on the last aisle she walked ahead of us. First I just stared. Then I cracked up. My son is "What are you doing?" I then told him about the woman. He looked and he cracked up too. As she glided down every aisle of Costco sniffing in disdain at the rest of us sweating away in our summer gear she had a big piece of masking tape stuck to her ass. The harried husband hadn't told her so I wasn't either. At the check-out she gave me another up and down look. I thought no way can a woman with duct tape stuck to her ass carry off my elegant tie-dyed dress. So I did not tell her to attend a White Squirrel Festival so she too could be a fashion icon.

People Update

This is a heads up on the latest People magazine. Kevin Federline is going on a diet. He will give up junk food and work with a trainer. I think getting a job would go a long way. So think about viable employment Kevin. Be a man. George Clooney has a new honey. She is an Italian bombshell working on a entertainment show. They are zipping around Lake Cumo on George's motorcycle. The picture of her resembles me a whole lot. I think the reason George has not married is me. He keeps hoping I will come back on the market. That is why he keeps going out with my look a likes. George! George! I feel your pain but I am a married lady. Brad Pitt had a nice write up in Parade magazine . He gave a tour of his home including the pool with the secret grotto that is great for sex. Now there will be helicopters with super lens hovering over the pool. Mark Sanford's wife left the Governor's Mansion. John Edward's mistress testified against him. Three mistresses and a wife glued a man's privates to his stomach. All reasons for men to keep their pants zipped and super glue out of the house.

David Suchet

David Suchet is one of my favorite actors. That is because he brought to life my beloved book character Hercule Poirot. I adore all of Agatha Christie's books. Each book has been read repeatedly. Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot are my heroes. Any and all movies, television shows, and specials have been watched over and over. The series of Hercule Poirot with David Suchet is the best. Mr. Suchet brings him to life. He walks like his shoes are too small. His facial expressions mirror all the quirks that are Hercule Poirot. He corrects everyone quickly who calls him French. He suffers through the English food. Last night I was able to watch a Poirot that I had missed many years ago. Mr. Suchet was perfect. I felt Agatha by my side. We were both saying "Bravo David Suchet! Bravo Hercule Poirot!". Mr. Suchet and Mr. Poirot were one and the same.

A Poop of Another Color

I was a candystriper in high school. I went to LPN school and then worked as a LPN to put myself through RN school. I then proceeded to work many years as a nurse in lots of different areas - medical/surgical floors, ICUs, ERs, pediatrics, ORs ,Pre-Op, Recovery Room, Colonscopy, Pain Clinics etc. You get the idea. Where ever the pay was good I jumped in and worked my tail off. The reason for this resume of my nursing is to explain why I can add a new spin on the race card. By now everyone knows about the Cambridge episode. Taking the race card out of it, two things should be learned. One - never attempt to pry open your door with a taxi driver. Call a locksmith instead. Two - the police should always travel in pairs or have a camcorder on their hat. Now for my expert opinion on race. My children have heard this time and time again. I have emptied many a bedpan, drawn blood, cleaned up vomit , and been around all body fluids. I have seen inside bodies through surgery, trauma, and codes. I am here to say not once could I have identified someone's race or gender by their poop, body fluids ,or their insides. Never did I say "What a fine example of Caucasian poop". Or "This is an incredible specimen of African-American poop". Or "Everyone come look at this exquisite Asian-American poop". Or "Boy this is a manly poop". Even my patient who spoke no English pooped just like my American patients. After too many years of cleaning up poop I am telling you we are all the same on the inside and what comes out is all the same too. People need to get over themselves, their race, their religion, and their poop. We just need to get along.