How to Diaper a Dog

Diapering a dog is not as easy as it sounds. First at the pet store you have to figure out what size by weight. Second you have to decide do you want totally disposable ones or a washable panty in denim with disposable liners. Third you have to get over the fact that the disposable ones cost $20.00 for 12 and that the denim panty is $30.00. The fun begins when you put on the disposable diaper on the actual dog. Chip has a long furry tail like a plume rising above his back. Handsome for him, a bitch to get through the tail hole in a dog diaper. He does stand still while I tug and pull the diaper over his tail. Now I have to tape the two ends over his bony hips. The first attempt goes well but leaves his peepee out. Since that is the root of the problem a re-taping is required. The peepee is covered and he can walk. When it is time to take him outside I remove his diaper and it is dry. So is his bed where he slept. I put it back on after our trip outside. This time he and I both are pros. He sleeps until time for me to go to bed. I wake him up and he slowly staggers up leaving a trail of urine behind him. The diaper has shifted and the peepee is out!. I remove the diaper and take him outside. We come back in and I put on a clean diaper. ( We have already lost over a dollar on the first diaper. ) Upstairs we go to hopefully have a dry and peaceful night. This morning Chip wakes me up barking to eat and diaper less. His diaper is lying on the floor still intact. How he got out I don't know. The diaper is dry as is the floor and Chip. Right now he has no diaper on and I am pondering this problem for a solution.

The best way to sum this up is like when a bad guy asks Raylan on Justified about another bad guy his response is always the same. "And how did that go?"

Justified

I have a new television show I am crazy about. The name is Justified and it is on FX on Tuesdays nights. I love the acting, the actors, and the story. The script is based on a short story by Elmore Leonard. That makes it a reason to watch right off. The setting is Kentucky. So far there have been six episodes. I will be so sad when the season ends. You need to check it out. Remember I have impeccable taste and am always right about television.

Taking Drugs

I have been out of commission for awhile. I am taking a new medicine to combat my Sjogren's. The medicine is Plaquenil.It is mainly used to treat malaria although it is found to help rheumatoid arthritis and lupus. There are abundant side effects. Some that go away and some that require stopping the medication. Lots are the usual you hear on the commercials. But some sound pretty exciting and unique. Like change in the color of your skin, hair loss, mental or mood changes , and peeling skin. The most intriguing is bizarre behavior. I don't know how you diagnose that one. What seems bizarre to me may not be to you. I have just told the husband to let me know if I am acting bizarre. But if I am acting bizarre and he tells me will I do anything about it? Do you see what I am saying? But luckily I have only been dizzy and nauseated. I drove one day and got so dizzy I had visions of me being on the 6:00 news in the middle of Harris Teeter sitting in my van. I stopped driving until the dizziness was under control.The one thing I am so pissed about is the drug causes weight loss. Have I even lost a pound? No! But that maybe because I have been eating strawberry shortcake to treat my nausea.

Working on the New Vow.

Today is 90 degrees. All my errands and dog park activities have to be early. I am racing around like a mad women to get out of the house. As I head to the garage I remember my vow I took in Wal-Mart to never end up on the Wal-Mart people postings. The last thing I want to do is trudge upstairs and slap on make-up. My huge brain goes into action. I grab a ball cap covering up my wild hair and icky face. I am so smart.

Another Heads Up

I read this about a week ago and kept forgetting to send out the heads up. The feds are on Facebook and MySpace,LinkedIn and Twitter, too. They are assuming fake identities and friending people. They have arrested some people just by intensive facebook searching. Last year some teachers here in Charlotte lost their jobs for having inappropriate postings and pictures on Facebook. Several complained about their jobs and the children. So my advice to everyone on the internet " The world and the FBI are watching. Think about what you say about your job, life , and fellow man". Come to think of it my blog is pretty open. The FBI could be watching my blog. That might get me blog of note for being the first FBI monitored blog. I still only have 16 followers so I need that extra push. I guess I better remove the sentence about killing the old man.

New Vow

Mornings are not my time. I crawl out of bed tight,swollen and painful. The more I move around the more nauseated I get. So needless to say it takes me awhile to get out of the house. Yesterday I did lots around the house and then left to run errands. To conserve energy and get more done I went without make-up and just my tie-dyed dress. While in Wal-Mart I ran to the bathroom to relieve myself of a large unsweetened tea with lemon. On my way to the stall I saw this incredibly frightening woman in the bathroom mirror. Hair sticking up everywhere, pale face with red splotches, and just a tie-dyed dress. I recognized the dress first. It looked just like the one I had on because the horror in the mirror was me! Then I really panicked. I was in Wal-Mart looking like this. Someone may have already taken my picture and posted in on the internet in those Wal-Mart people posts. Furtively I looked around to see if anyone was taking my picture. Th coast was clear. I raised my fist to the sky, well actually to the Wal-Mart bathroom ceiling, and said "As God is my witness I will never go out in public looking like this again". I guess we will see how that goes.

Working at Home

With my diseases piling up and no hope of going back to nursing I think of jobs I might do at home. You know those jobs on the infomercials where "You can make $10,000 a month from the comfort of your home". So far nothing appeared doable until this weekend when I read an article about a woman in S.C. Seems she started a very lucrative home business. She put up a stripper pole in her mobile home, charged admission, served beer, and danced. Now that's thinking! Studies have shown that dancing on a stripper pole is a great cardio workout. This is a no brainer - a cardio program for my health, working out of my home, no taxes, and hopefully some good tips. I know there is some overhead. Putting up the pole. I wouldn't want to skimp on that. Right in the middle of my dance the pole and ceiling could collapse. Getting the perfect costumes to flatter my "aging gracefully" figure. Having the right person to check id's and serve beer. The lady in S.C. had a 12 year old boy as one of her client's when the police busted her. Which brings me to my last expense - bribe money for the police. Law and Order always talks about police hush money during raids at massage parlors.