Under The Knife

This will be a short post that must last for awhile. Tomorrow I go under the knife for my sex change operation ie reconstruction of bowel and bladder. Today the husband and I leave for Chapel Hill. I start a bowel prep at 1:00 pm. I prefer to do that at a hotel as opposed to the husband's car. I am scared s---less over this surgery which is good since I need a clean colon by tomorrow. Just think now when I run, sneeze, laugh , or cry there will not be anything from either end coming out that should not come out. Need to run to get a hair cut before we leave. Maybe blue highlights just to cheer me up.

Hilary

If anyone has been watching the G-20 summit they have seen Hilary Clinton in the background. I have never been her fan but I hate to see her looking so exhausted. The bags under her eyes have bags under their eyes. On my flight to NYC last month my seatmate told me he had seen Hilary on several flights. He said she had gained weight and looked like hell. We both agreed living on a plane and dealing with world politics would do that to you. Obama was smart making her secretary of state. Hilary is too busy to make trouble for him. And by the way, have you seen Bill? He looks great. He is on David Letterman and whoever else will listen to him. When the cat is away the rat will play.

Another Memoir

Jenny Sanford has announced that she is going to write a memoir. The publishing company says that she will have help. That means someone else will write the book. Jenny will just dictate. Poor Jenny, did someone not tell her that Elizabeth Edwards just wrote the same book last year? Plus Elizabeth had a baby and hush money in her story. I think we would prefer a book from the "love story" lady of Argentina. That is probably juicier. All of us know about raising children and dealing with immature men.Why read about that when we can read a romantic love story in an exotic location. I would love to publish a book and would write it myself. Any suggestions on what I should do? Yesterday the husband stayed home sick. The heating and air company came to check the furnace. The service man is usually my age and looks like I feel. Yesterday the guy was hot with an awesome body. He had my furnace going. As he walked upstairs the husband said,"Who is that?" My response was " My boyfriend , we didn't know you would be home." The husband rolled his eyes. But that could be a bestseller. Suburban housewife has torrid affair with heating and air repairman with awesome body. Someone else would write this book because I would be busy getting my furnace stoked. But I digress from Jenny and Elizabeth. Remember the women with enough money that they don't need to air their dirty laundry in a memoir. I did read that John Edward's mistress and child are moving to Wilmington, N.C. Close to the Edward's Figure Eight home and not far from their Chapel Hill home. Now that is a book I will read.

Hitler

Having a sex change surgery requires lots of preparation. I have been busy getting ready for the big day on the 30th. That is why no recent blogs. Monday I took Chip to see his internal medicine vet. He has gained 6 pounds, Chip not the vet. While waiting for the appointment an older gentleman sat across from me. He was holding a large tabby cat. The cat appeared ill. What caught my eye was not the cat but the man. He looked just like Adolf Hitler. He had the small shifty eyes. He had the haircut with bangs. And most creepy he had the tiny mustache!!!!!!! I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. Shouldn't someone have told him to shave the mustache and change the hairdo? Did people click their heels and "Heil Hitler" when he walked by? Was he having a rehearsal for his Halloween costume? Was he playing Hitler in a play and ran his cat to the vet between shows? I even combed the vast trivia in my brain for information on children of Adolf Hitler. Maybe this man was a direct descendant of Hitler sitting in the vet's office in Charlotte, N.C.! The man never spoke so I have no clue if he spoke only German ,or in a guttural English accent, or just plain English. They called me back for Chip's appointment and I had to leave Hitler. When we were done he was gone. Since then I have been too busy in my life to worry about any Hitler descendant. If you know of this man please let me know the story.

Cotton and Hides

Tuesday was a long day. I left at 6:30 am for Chapel Hill and didn't get home until 6:30 pm. My surgery is a go now. Driving the interstate to Chapel Hill is a nightmare. I take the back roads. The drive is pretty and peaceful with lots of farms, animals, rolling hills, and Baden Lake. The cotton fields were magnificent, waves of green plants, cotton blooms, carolina blue sky, and red clay. Field after field I passed with cotton balls in bloom. I am always amazed that cotton is a plant. Driving through Chatam County I passed a business I had never noticed before. The sign was large and eye catching. Tan Your Hide Tanning Salon announced the sign. What a clever idea for a tanning salon. That is what you end up with spending your time baking your butt in a tanning bed - a hide!

Coughing and Hacking

Ever since returning from New York I have been hacking and coughing, coughing and hacking. I tried everything short of going to the doctor. I thought it would run it's course. The yuk didn't and the husband took me to the doctor. I have bronchitis. Tomorrow is my pre-surgical visit for my surgery scheduled on September 30th. Now I have visions of canceled surgeries in my head. I am going to lay low until the 30th. I do have Parent Weekends back to back starting this weekend. First stop is Tuscaloosa and then Atlanta. Describing my surgery to people is a bit awkward. When I say "I having reconstructive surgery of the colon and bladder" I get weird looks. Plus you can't tell some people that while they are eating, or just about when they are doing anything. Now I am saying I'm having a sex change operation. The responses are more lively and entertaining. Yesterday while hacking and coughing I thought who would I be if I were a man? After studying on this for quite a bit, I couldn't come up with just one man. I had several but only for certain traits they possessed. This is the man I would be if I were a man. I would have the brain of Albert Einstein, the communication ability of Henry Kissinger, the money of Bill Gates ( yes, I'd still do his charity stuff), the humor of George Clooney, the writing ability of Ernest Hemingway, the golf style of Tiger Woods, and the head and body of Tom Brady. I would be one bad man. Most people after their sex change do take a new name depending on which way they go. After my surgery just call me Bond, James Bond.

Woodstock

The husband and I watched the Woodstock festival Sunday. We were on a staycation over Labor Day weekend. Actually we have been on a staycation all summer. We listened to Jimmy Hendricks. Could you imagine being there when he played the Star Spangled Banner? The husband didn't like Janis Joplin then or now. I loved Janis then and now. She and I can do a mean "Me and Bobby McGee". Wonder how Jimmy and Janis would be living today? The husband said about half way through that he should have gone. Many of his college classmates from RPI did. That is when it hit me. All those rolling in the mud, pot smoking, LSD tripping, free love, peace, Woodstock participants are now all in their 50s and 60s. They are me and the husband. Overweight, bald , grey hair, Viagra addicts, tax payers, grandparents and gasp - maybe even Republicans! My children think the husband and I are so boring. Little do they know we were the generation of make love not war. Sing it Janis! Play it LOUD Jimmy!