Roll Tide

We are back from our trip to Tuscaloosa. My son is registered for classes. He has a dorm room. He has a post office box. He and my husband have clothes to wear to the football games. We bought those clothes at a nice store , The Locker Room, on the strip. They have adorable clothes for women. I picked a white top with a red elephant on the pocket. My husband insisted I try it on. The shop owner showed me all these cute, cute outfits with red seersucker skirts or black hounds tooth pants. He was so complimentary. He said his wife was 65 and wore all these outfits. My husband with his arms crossed over his chest, my son leaning over a display of clothes, and the shop owner were my judges regarding the outfits. I walked out in the first outfit. The shop owner gushes, my husband says I look flat and my neck looks skinny, and my son leans deeper into the clothes. I look in the mirror. Oh my God! A short, frumpy, plump woman stares back at me from the mirror. Where is my size 2 figure and glossy black hair? This is so not funny. The red elephants are so not cute. The seersucker stripes are not parallel. The hounds tooth is a distorted mass of mush. I keep trying on outfits. But that short, frumpy, plump lady keeps coming back. My husband keeps saying" no, no, no". The shop owner keeps saying "yes, yes, yes" and "What does he know about woman's clothes?" My son leans deeper into the clothes display hoping to be anywhere but here. I finally choose a boring loose, white linen top with a small red elephant on the pocket. The short, frumpy , plump lady looks a little less frumpy and plump. My husband nods yes. The shop owner nods a slow yes. The linen top isn't cheap but what about the matching drawstring pants? My son has his face buried in the clothes. As my husband paid I looked at pictures of people wearing their Alabama outfits. There was the shop owner's wife in an adorable, cute, cute outfit. She has not eaten a brownie since 1982.