The Costco Queen

Things are hopping here getting my son ready for his college life in Tuscaloosa. Yesterday we were stocking up in Costco.The weather was hot and oppressive. The bank thermometer read 95. Everyone shopping wore shorts and anything to keep cool. I being the fashion icon wore my elegant tie-dyed dress. You can have Costco pizza and a hot dog in that dress with room to grow. As we went aisle to aisle preparing my son for college life we passed a couple. What caught my eye was the woman. She was my height and my size pre-IBS. Her hair was perfectly coiffured with nothing out of place. I felt the frosting was a little too stark for her coloring but I am not her hair stylist. She had full makeup on that had not melted in the heat. I felt the her foundation was too heavy and not the right color but I am not her make-up artist. She wore camel colored dress pants and one of those tops with European scenes in a rayon blend fabric. She carried a black purse over her arms that matched her patent leather slides. Her harried looking husband pushed the buggy carrying a small boy. He and the boy were both in shorts and white polo shirts. She glided down each aisle until she would see what she needed. Then she would stop, point at the item and the harried husband would rush to grab the item and place it in their cart.We passed them down several aisles. The first aisle she looked up and down at my elegant tie-dyed dress. After she glided by I knew she was just itching to own such a dress. All of these aisle encounters occurred with me facing her. Finally on the last aisle she walked ahead of us. First I just stared. Then I cracked up. My son is "What are you doing?" I then told him about the woman. He looked and he cracked up too. As she glided down every aisle of Costco sniffing in disdain at the rest of us sweating away in our summer gear she had a big piece of masking tape stuck to her ass. The harried husband hadn't told her so I wasn't either. At the check-out she gave me another up and down look. I thought no way can a woman with duct tape stuck to her ass carry off my elegant tie-dyed dress. So I did not tell her to attend a White Squirrel Festival so she too could be a fashion icon.