Picture at the Country Club

When my daughter was born I was determined to be the best mother ever! Her childhood would be the best ever! Her diet would be the best ever! Her education would be the best ever! Then my boys arrived and I vowed even harder to raise each child the best I could! All three would have a super childhood and super mom. Well you know how long that lasted. Before I knew it all three were in school and in every after school activity known to man. Things got expensive and money got tight real fast. My butt was back working full time.The logistics of working and hauling children around was a nightmare! After completing my work day I called the children while driving home. Each child was given instructions on what to wear and what equipment to have. Then depending on the time of each activity determined what child stood in the driveway at what time. I whipped in the driveway and grabbed whatever child stood there. I usually knew where to take them by the uniform on their back. Although there were times I took them to the wrong place or the right place at the wrong time. After dropping off the first child I would return for another until each child had been taken and picked up where they needed to be. Sometime in the melee I drove through the closest fast food for their dinner. During swim season all three had the same stop, the pool at our country club. I must admit I got slack when all three were in one place. One particular trip for swim team practice was such an example. I had made the phone call to be in swimsuits with towels in the driveway because I was almost home. All three children in bathing suits with towels in the driveway when I pulled up. I was Super Mom no doubt about it. We arrived at the country club in the nick of time without a speeding ticket or major meltdown. Unbeknownst to me or if I did know I filed it somewhere deep in my brain, that day was swim team practise and swim team pictures. Each child was to wear the official swim team bathing suit for that particular season. So fifty plus children stood in matching suits except one. My daughter had worn her swimsuit from last year. You would not believe the outraged looks the country club moms gave me. What kind of mother allowed her child to come for swim team pictures in last year's bathing suit? Not a Super Mom that was for sure. Swim team pictures were made. No mom police arrived. Flash forward twelve years. All three children are not too damaged from their childhood. The country club remodeled the pool. Now it is like being at a resort. The grill has a nice face lift too. Someone had the clever idea to hang pictures of random blown up portions of swim teams over the years. Unfortunately for me my daughter is featured in one of the photos. She and a group of girls with big smiles showing off their braces. Each girl in the appropriate swimsuit for the season except my daughter. I try to wear my biggest hat and my sunglasses every time I enter the grill. I know there are discussions about the photo with the girl in the wrong swimsuit. All I can say is being a super mom is way overrated!

Dragging the Trailor

I lived in a trailer until I was around five. My parents acted like white trash most of my childhood. Which I feels explains this trailer I have been dragging behind me all my adult life. Depending on where I am going and who I am with depends on how hard it is to get that trailer in. I look back on times in my life that I pushed and pulled to make that trailer fit into some place I felt I had to be a part of. Usually after all that work I was pretty disappointed to be there.When we moved to Charlotte the husband got a country club membership. Talking about getting my trailer through! At that time most club members my age belonged to the club because their daddy paid for their membership. So the clique was tight and my trailer became a double wide. A few years ago to survive the economic times the club expanded their membership. There is a more realistic representation of the world at the club today. I see overweight people, people of different color and nationality, and most importantly people like the husband and I who accomplished their success on their own laurels. I am at the club frequently and I am not pulling that double wide behind me. Instead my trailer is a sleek custom built RV to rival any Nascar drivers. I know the reason for the trailer switch is more my own attitude regarding myself. I am 54 and more comfortable in my skin. I accept my trailer will always be behind me. And the places I want to be my trailer glides easily behind me.

Bodies at the Pool

Swimming and exercising at the pool has been part of my summer routine. With so many visits I have seen some people often. This brings me to my topic - bodies at the pool.The first time I saw this woman I thought she was terminally ill. Now after several viewings I know she is terminal because she doesn't eat. She is about 5'6'' or so but likes to walk around the pool in wedge slides. Sometime in her life she got grapefruit boobs as a gift. I believe they were a gift because I think she only held a job long enough to get a paying husband. She is tanned and blonde. The blonde is heavily aided by a bottle. There are small children that she attentively watches. With her tanned body and walks around the pool she is an eye catcher. But once your eye is caught your mouth drops open. She is painfully thin. When she bends her arms her elbows become pointed weapons. You want to put a sign around her neck " Caution - Sharps Objects!". Her arms and legs are bones and muscles twined together with no fat in sight. The skin is taut but that only serves to allow better views of her skeletal structure. The days she wears a bikini you can admire her jutting hip bones and concave stomach. Yesterday in a one piece I was treated to her developing dowager's hump. The irony of all this is you know she thinks she is attractive. Why else does she strut around the pool in those wedges? Every time I see her now I want to hog tie her to a chair and stuff fried chicken down her throat. Yesterday I had a big slice of blueberry pie to help her out.

Dog Park Incident

Yesterday I took the dogs to the dog park. I went around 10:00 am and it was already way too hot. We did our complete tour of the five acres. Then we joined all the other dogs and owners under the big trees. I sat on a picnic table away from everyone else. Zeus and Shelley tend not to play well with others so I watch them like hawks. A boy of about twelve years sat down beside me. He reminded me of Pugsley from the Addams Family. He was at the park with his Mom and their dog. Obviously he was comfortable talking with adults. First he said he was home schooled. I guess to explain why he wasn't at school. Or maybe I look like a truancy officer. He told me all kinds of stories about his animals and other animals. Two stories stuck with me. The first was releasing his old bunny from its cage. He said the bunny wouldn't leave the yard and took two weeks to die. But his new puppy loved to cuddle with it in the yard. The reason he had the puppy was the rabbit had to die first. I didn't say, "But isn't the bunny in the yard with the puppy?" Next he regaled me with a tale of his next door neighbor's dog. The dog was in an electric fence and was mean. The boy wanted to prove the dog was nice. He walked into the yard. The dog ate a hole in his leg. I asked, " What happened to the dog?" Mainly because the boy was walking on two legs and in a dog park. He replied, "The owner's wife punched him in the face. She hates the dog." Then the boy proceeded to tell me that his dog of two years is only his even though his parents and brother say it belongs to the family. "I named him. I picked him out. And we got him the day after my birthday." Now he looks me in the eye while patting the pocket of his gym shorts. " I carry protection at all times. I need it day and night." By then I was so hot that sweat dripped down my back and into my underwear. I was too dehydrated to do much. I looked down at his pocket. There was a small bulge over it. I gulped. "What are you carrying?" hoping it wasn't a gun and I wasn't threatening him. "A small knife." "Have you ever used it?" "No, not yet." His Mom wandered over and he stood to leave. The boy went and sat by a lady with a pit bull. Good choice I thought. The mom picked up the conversation. Eventually she got into that her family had appropriate names for their dog but the youngest son insisted on John. ( I am using a fake name to protect the dog.) I smiled and said " Time for me to go home." Zeus had taken his dip in the pool and was rolling in all the smelly dirt he could find. And I felt like I had been rolled in some smelly dirt too. I just couldn't wash it off.

Bloodsuckers

I get so tired seeing doctors. Part of seeing doctors is having blood drawn. This morning is a blood draw day and a seeing a doctor day. The blood draw is always a crap shoot depending on who draws the blood and what shape my veins are in. Bloodsuckers are important when you need them which brings me around to Anthony Weiner. I believe good ole Anthony is no longer an important bloodsucker. Lets see. He denies. He lies. He recants. He apologizes. He swears there was not any physical contact with the women in cyberspace. But what is with sending pictures of his package? First he was in his tidy whities or maybe tidy boxers. Now a photo has surfaced of the total bare package. Is it humongous or something? Why else would he be so fixated on photographing it and sending the picture into cyberspace? I am here to tell you that the story regarding men's shoe size and their penis size is a myth. Too many years of nursing laid that baby to rest. But maybe there is a correlation between the nose size and penis size. I never checked that out. Now with my diseases and no nursing I can't do a survey. But forget the package size issue. Here is my take on the whole "Weiner" escapade. The man's last name is Weiner and he obviously loves his weiner. Bill Clinton officiated at his wedding. I learned that tidbit on "Chelsa Lately", my favorite late night show. And last but not least his wife is BFF big time with Hillary Clinton. She travels the world with her. When you have the Clintons as role models for your marriage this is what you get. So I say, "Step down Anthony Weiner and send me a picture of your weiner. I just want to get an idea of the size of it."

Gothic Southern Mayhem and Murder

One of my favorite parts of going to Myrtle Beach is reading The Sun News. Maybe because of the heat and humidity but people do some strange things to themselves and each other. I hit the jackpot with this story. Be on the lookout for a Lifetime Movie, bestseller or even a box office smash. All the elements are there for success. This titillating story happened in Cottageville, S.C. Cottageville is located 35 miles northwest of Charleston, S.C. The population is approximately 676 with 97% Caucasian.I say approximately because of the 676, one is dead and one might get lynched. The two main characters are former Mayor Bert Reeves and officer Randy Price. Bert Reeves died of a gunshot wound to the chest the afternoon of May 16 on Nut Hatch Lane. When Police Chief Craddock arrived at the scene he found Reeves dead. Price was nearby covered in cuts and bruises. Nut Hatch Lane is a dirt road near town hall and no one knows why the two men were there. Let me give the background on the two men. Bert Reeves was the former mayor of Cottageville. I don't know how long he served as mayor or how successful he was. In 2006 while mayor he was cited for speeding twice. One of the citation clocked him at 103 mph in a 55 mph zone. He refused to resign from office. Besides the driving citations he flipped his truck in July of 2006 and received a brain injury. Although he assumed his mayoral duties after treatment he just wasn't the same according to many people. The current mayor of Cottageville is Bert Reeves's aunt. Mayor/Aunt Margaret Steen found a machete in her front yard just hours after her nephew's death. Her property is next door to her nephew's business. Although the police came with a SLED agent , no report was filed. Officer Randy Price remains on paid administrative leave since shooting Bert Reeves. He started as an officer in May 2008. I guess there weren't any other applicants since his work history showed eight jobs in eleven years. The work history included multiple firings, misconduct and brutality claims. Once in Cottageville he pissed off the municipal officials by arresting their friends, relatives, and neighbors. He did pile up lots of drug arrests. Now remember the population stated above. He must have had most of the town in jail at one time or another. SLED officials are investigating the case. The mayor and all concerned are not allowed to talk about the "events'. I confess I did google today to get more info on the case. Monday the town council met. Residents want Officer Price terminated. From his job not killed although one resident said, "Let's don't lynch the man." I don't know if that is a viable option for the residents or not. The Mayor still is unable to comment because of the ongoing investigation by SLED. What did I tell you ? Southern Gothic all the way!

Johnny, How Could You?

John Edwards is still being investigated regarding how campaign funds were used during his presidential run. Federal prosecutors and his lawyers are battling it out over how campaign finance law deals with gifts and third party payments. John's gifts were about two supporters with more money than sense. These supporters provided more than a million dollars to pay to keep Rielle Hunter's mouth shut. I guess whenever "Johnny" pissed off Rielle she would threaten to go to the press. Evidently lots of money was required to keep her quiet during the campaign. But what has got me to pondering about is Bunny Mellon. Bunny is 100 years old. She was a friend of Jacqueline Kennedy. It seems Bunny became a money source after being upset about press coverage of John's $400.00 haircuts. She "volunteered" to pay whatever expenses John had that were not covered by the campaign.Evidently that included a valet. I am sorry but what does a man born to factory workers in Robbins need with a valet? Surely he dressed himself sometime in his life. Bunny is believed to have "voluntarily donated" $700,000 to John. When did she know that she was financing a mistress and fake baby daddy? Bunny and her family have been to the Raleigh courthouse. John and she had lunch last week. I guess that means she and John are still BFF. But,hello, the woman is 100 and $700,000 is lots of money. Especially to use to keep an affair secret from a wife with cancer. Does Bunny think he is John Kennedy because of his boyish good looks? At 100 her eyesight can't be great and who knows about her mental acuity. Maybe she thinks he is John Kennedy! But I keep going back to the $700,000. That is lots of money for anybody. John's campaign was about being the poor people's president. So why didn't that $700,000 go to giving haircuts to homeless people, foster children, or just about anybody but John. But guess what, has anybody heard a peep out of Rielle since her magazine spread? Nope! I guess Johnny is digging in his own pocket to keep her quiet now. Bless his little heart!